toast is good...so is oj...

so i'm sittin here on my dad's lap top...the space key is sticky so sometimesmywordscomeoutlikethisanditsdrivingmecrazy...i look a little rediculous cause i'm sitting here looking like hell ran through my face and left me with this demollished piece of shit on top of my shoulders instead...i eating a very pathetic piece of toast and drinking orange juice (no pulp) in the hopes that thisdamn cold will disappear in the next week...i'm listening to my itunes onmy lap top which is on random and currently playing crazy for you by nsync...but whatever...

so i'm supposed to be skiing...xcountry with the fam but i woke up feeling like crap and decided to take a raincheck...(what's your fantasy)...i'm all sore from yesterday anyway...so basically the last few days have been a severe roller coaster of small things that make me either really happy or really pissed off....

por example...good: i hung out with dillon bad: but wegotsome things to talk about...g: we went to my family's cabin b: but it was only my rents, my grents, and my sister...b: i had to wake up at 6:30 yesterday g: i watched the sunrise....g: i watched it by myself....b: my gma came out eventually and started takin pictures of my sleepy ass freezing on a rock...(OneLove/People Get Ready-Bob Marley) g: biscuits and gravey for breakfast-my favorite...b: had to do dishes....g: learned how to wax my own skis b: sucked at it and had to work twice as hard to ski....g: got to take my cousin, stacia xmas shopping for her mom b: the child had so much energy and i was so tired it didn't make for a happy experience....g: got my grades back...b: now i have to decide on a major...b: missedouton skiing today cause i feel like shit...g: got to sleep in for once..even though i was in bed by 9 lastnight...(An Odeto Maybe-Third Eye Blind)...g: watched Price is Right...b:couldn't hearitcause my ears are so cloggedup...b: no one here to take care of me...g: no one here to bug me...

you get the idea...basically ijust want to take everything i love to do and everyone ilove to hangout with and put them in one place...a place where the city museum is right down the street...i can sleepin my bed (the one in my dorm) and not on a couch circa1912...i can have my boy and my friends inthe same place and my rents will be interested (Stand Up) but not obsessive aboutthe people i hangout with/date...i can see all j's bb games...i can have all these damn xmas presents done and i can just be healthy for once...wouldn't that be great?...oh yea and maybe i could have a major as well as a source of income so i'm not spending all of my student loan money on xmas presents and pizza...and foodin general...if ineed to use this money for next semester i'm going to be screwed....oh....well....maybe i could just take a semester off...that'd becool...

so i need to print something off for my dad's xmas present...which requires me to switch to a (In too Deep-Sum 41) different computer...funny i know...and then maybe a nap..that sounds good...anyway...till later...

psh...

girls will never make sense to me...neither will boys...neither will spanish...and neither will my "need" to study...or lack there of....also...i'd like to know exactly why i feel so stressed but act so calm when i have reason for neither...i should be in the middle...damn...oh well...maybe i should go to sleep so that i'll be able to get up in 7 hours...

i shake my head at that....this is not the time...

"even though i ruined your life doesn't mean you have to treat me like dirt but thanks anyway."

what does that even mean? honestly. you can't even come close to taking credit for "ruining my life" cause a. its not ruined by any difinition of the word and b. there are a lot worse things wrecking havoc on my life than you. you are not worth that. secondly when the hell have i treated you like dirt? i do not comprehend. unless it is some phsychological thing that only you can see and understand then you have no reason to say such things to me. seriously. wtf. i know i shouldn't care but i do. for some godforsaken reason. i want my mind off of this. i don't want to think about finals or next semester. friends or family. xmas or the holidays. this is all crap. seriously. wtf. i want something, anything, someone, anyone to take my mind off of people and things that are bothering me. i've built up some good karma points lately. i have been more than my fair share of nice. now where is some return. seriously.