still a big believer in murphy's law but things are looking up for this summer...

so i start work in like...uh...8 hours..i'm pretty freakin excited about it because the people there seem extremely laid back and kickass and such...i met the owner guy...and he is really nice...kinda goofy...which is cool...so i'm excited about that because i'll be getting paid some hard core money to be hanging out with some fun people, do some relatively easy work, and learn a lot about bikes and business and stuff like that...which in my opinion is like the best thing ever...and then you add the employee's discount on to that (FIFTY FREAKIN PERCENT) and its just icing on the freakin chocolate cake...so we'll see if it lives up to that awesomeness

so heres a list of all the shit i want to buy this summer...cause obviously i can't possibly save it all...hehehe

-membership to upperlimits
-climbing harness
-climbing shoes
-misc other climing gear necessary to climb on a regular basis
(I've decided to take up climbing can you tell?)
-slacklining webbing (50ft)
-new ratchet
-at least 2 new runners
(i'm taking up slack lining too...its about time i got back to church)
-new riding boots (over the ankle with the skid resisitant soles but look cute)
-new summer riding gloves (fingerless ones)
-a new swimsuit (haven't gotten a new one in ages)
-a new bra (don't i need it)
-new harley stuff that i can wear to work (but i'll wait 30 days so i can get the discount)

i'll also be saving up money to fix my car, convert my 883 sportster engine into a 1200 sportster engine, and for the lease payments for my apartment for next fall...

here is what i want to be able to do by the end of the summer:
-be certified to top/bottom rope climb, belay, lead climb, and all that other fun climbing stuff
-be certified to drive a commericial vehicle with passengers if necessary
-be certified to be a bartender
-understand and identify the differences between all of the harley engines and motorcycles
-be certified as a skydive instructer

so thats all of that..i'm thinking that between work and hanging out with my family and hanging out with my friends i'm not going to have time to have a boy...or to worry about boys...or to mess with boys or any of that crap...cause basically what it comes down to is that they are trouble...

so i'm already messing with ian, who...lets just say i don't know whats going on or what he thinks he is planning...he says he just misses me but does that mean that he still likes me or loves me or whatever the hell it is now? and do i still love him? but that would be rediculous cause i have seen him what? twice since august? how could i possibly still like or love or whatever a person that i haven't seen or talked to really since august? thats ludacris...so maybe i just miss him or maybe i just miss the idea of him being around...he was an amazing bf and never really did anything wrong and thats why i don't really recall the exact reason that we broke up...maybe i'm just remembering him wrong...maybe i've fixed my head into thinking that he was perfect and forced myself to forget all of his bad qualities...i suppose i'll just have to wait and find out when he gets back from ireland...

then there is dave...which i love hanging out with him and making out with him the other night was amazing and a whole lot of fun but i don't know...i don't really want to bring him into this tangled web of boys that is my life...and i don't want to piss nick off...cause that kid is like a brother to me...i love him a lot and i don't want to fuck anything up...and i believe that he has a right to be a little apprehensive about his friends hooking up because of the whole matt and sarah thing (which should be interesting how next week goes by the by)...and i get that but its a little bit different of a situation and if anything the whole bizzyq thing would probably only last the summer...i dont' really know actually...hes a fun kid tho...i like him...

then there is rick...really nice guy...interesting...fun...clingy...staulker...sorta...just kinda creepy...i love ya kid but jesus...ya just don't seem to get some things...and he just keeps showing up to random events...to the point where i'm like what the hell? and he always succeeds in making things awkward...i'm a big believer in its not awkward till you make it awkward but lord child...he has a knack for making things awkward...whatever...i think i'll just keep being nice and cordial...and keep rolling my eyes when he texts me...

then you could throw in a few other kids in the mix...like i still have a bit of a thing for eric but hopefully that will fade with the passage of time...summer of not seeing him might do the trick...corich still worries me a bit but i'm betting that will fade as well...i'm over boys like dillon and nic and mike which is damn good...i can't even see me thinking about dating any of them again...i think it just took dating a few more guys...

so working mwrfs at gateway...sunday i'll go riding or wash my bike or something like that...on tuesdays i'll go climbing or slack lining...i'm hoping to go climbing in the evenings after work...hanging out with my friends after work on some evenings but definitely saturday nights (work til 5 and then party all night)...those will be the only nights that i'll even consider drinking and i'm pretty sure it'll happen very rarely...my rents will be gone the week or so after the fourth of july...my neighbors will be gone some time mid-june...so party over there...i stop working the 12th of august...shortly after that i can move back to colorado and into my apartment...get settled and go to craig's wedding...then i start classes...so thats my summer...i'm wicked excited...and it pretty much starts now...the afternoon walks to get food and snow cones with my friends and the pool parties and the random pizza and the exercising and the eating of junk food all the freakin time and the staying up late...i love it...so my laundry can be changed now so i think i'm going to go do that...and then to bed...so that i can work tomorrow...hasta...

right so...

the best thing about a personal blog or blogs in general for that matter is that they just kinda linger around in the background and you can totally just skip a few months and therapuetically spill whatever is on your mind...which is cool...

everything i type sounds rediculous...

Have you ever been close to tragedyOr been close to folks who haveHave you ever felt a pain so powerfulSo heavy you collapseIve never had to knock on woodBut I know someone who hasWhich makes me wonder if I couldIt makes me wonder ifIve never had to knock on woodAnd Im glad I havent yetBecause Im sure it isnt goodThats the impression that I getHave you ever had the odds stacked up so highYou need a strength most dont possessOr has it ever come down to do or dieYouve got to rise above the restIve never had to knock on woodBut I know someone who hasWhich makes me wonder if I couldIt makes me wonder ifIve never had to knock on woodAnd Im glad I havent yetBecause Im sure it isnt goodThats the impression that I getIm not a coward,Ive just never been testedId like to think that if I was,I would passLook at the tested and think there but for the grace goI might be a cowards,Im afraid of what I might find outIve never had to knock on woodBut I know someone who hasWhich makes me wonder if I couldIt makes me wonder ifIve never had to knock on woodAnd Im glad I havent yetBecause Im sure it isnt goodThats the impression that I get

fuck it thank you i love you all..