murphy's law

i lost it all.

the shit hath hiteth the faneth

so pat was talkin to me today...gave me a reality check...

really over the past month...shit has gone wrong...i haven't been doing anything more wrong than usual but i seem to be gettin in trouble a lot more...lets just start with the law...jesus christ almighty...so the whole hummer thing with pat and dillon (court is in like 2 weeks), getting busted in the dorms (letter regarding the topic of my paper is supposedly in the mail), getting busted in thornton (no punishment), speeding on plum in front of the towers ($50), and speeding up at horsetooth near duncan's ridge ($71)...so all things considered...things could be a lot worse...the hummer driver is a maniac running from the cops...no punishment in thornton....could be 6 points all together for all this malarky with speeding but instead its none...i have new tires on my car...i getting new oil soon...my motorcycle is alive and well...dillon and i broke up but i suppose that is for the best...even though it pretty much kills me to talk to him and stuff...i doubt that i'm just horny...didn't really realize that i liked him that much...my dad is on my back about scholarships and fafsa (which i've been bugging him about for the past month) and jobs and resumes and where i'm living and what my major is and all that jazz...so i filled out the csusa tonight...looked into what was needed for fafsa (rents should have everything they need so lay off my back)...finished as much as i could of my resume and sent it to my dad for his stamp of approval...signed a lease yesterday (living at Ram's Village...which makes me a little nervous)...already put a down payment down on the place so it is mine for next fall..looked into major stuff tonight too...pretty sure i'm just going to be a "general business" major...simplest way out...undergraduate doesn't really matter anyway...i can do a lot with business...converts to all kinds of things...plus every other option seems to suck...business seems to be the one that i can be like "yea, i think i can actually do that one"....people have been calling me freakin out which only makes me freak out...not cool not cool in the slightest...i mean if they need to call me i want them to i want to help them out but its hard cause i can't be there for them...its really rough...i just want to be there in a second and give them the biggest hug in the world cause i know that that is the only thing that will make me feel better...school keeps on piling up...this week i have like 4 papers and 2 tests and a group project...driving myself insane over this shit...its definitely midterms...i'm thinkin as soon as spring break gets here though its going to be sooo much better...

right so all things considered i think i've been surprisingly optimistic about everything...looking for the good in things and if there are no good things then making good things happen...for example i failed an astro test today...hands down...huge test down the drain...no comin back...so i came home feeling like shit...went to dinner...apparently treated dillon like crap which i don't even really remember...and came back upstairs and convinced hannah to rearrange the room...so now we have this cool new space...its all open and feung shway or whatever the hell its called...its clean and orderly and spacious...

so pat was all talkin about how he doesn't want to see me depressed or sad in any way cause i have so much going for me...which is totally true...i don't know why i'm making such a big deal about all this bullshit cause in reality thats exactly what it is...its all bullshit...in reality i've gotten off really easy for all the shit i've been caught doing...school could be worse...things with dillon could be worse...things with my friends could be worse...things with my dad could be worse....everything could be worse but its not...its good...i'm doing alright...